The world’s greatest lover is unlucky. He is desired only as a source of sympathy, an antidote to a boring marriage, an instrument of retribution and a human cash dispenser. His best friend is female and unsympathetic. He is an almost irresistible lover faced with an almost immovable partner.

Eighty year-old Alberto Camelo has searched for love in all the wrong places. Nevertheless, he claims that his experiences have made him the world’s greatest lover, a claim belied by his ancient neighbour Adriana, “You forget old man that we once feasted together on Passion Mountain. If my memory is not riding a lame horse the feast turned out to be a snack with damp crackers and stale cheese. Perhaps you are the greatest lover of last Tuesday.”

Despite his claim, Alberto has never experienced love. He desires to do so before he departs this world for what he terms, “a less than inspiring place.” Adriana also has never encountered serious romance though she has often meandered on the marriage mattress. Their quests end with each other. Together they discover the real secret of love.

The story is droll and follows Alberto from early childhood until old age. His life and his liaisons are dissected using a humorous scalpel wielded primarily by Adriana. He is never shy about revealing the many wrong turns he takes during his travels in the realm of romance and this characteristic lends an aura of absurdity.

Behind the humour, the tale deals with serious topics such as intimacy and the nature of love. I like to think that a book with this flavour might result if Gabriel García Márquez taught creative writing to Dave Barry. BUY GREATEST LOVER

QUESTIONS
Below I answer some of the questions I’ve been asked about the book:

Q. Will the book harm my children?
A. Only if they eat more than 3 copies at one sitting.

Q. Should I read it if I’m pregnant?
A. It’s more fun to read it while getting pregnant.

Q. Will reading it improve my IQ? My sex life?
A. One thing at a time. Take your pick.

Q. Is the book autobiographical?
A. No, although it can be used to set the jack on while changing a tire.

DISCLAIMER

• No animals were harmed in the making of The Greatest Lover of Last Tuesday.
• It does not contain the solution to the Da Vinci code.
• No! It does not contain any subliminal message that will make you want to vote for the Marijuana Party of Canada.

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